I have contemplated writing this post for a while because it seems sort of silly, but I think it is funny. When my friends came over to visit, one concern was actually the squat toilets (which are rare in North America.) If you have ever peed in the woods, you probably know how easy it is but it becomes more complicated when wearing lots of fluffy layers!
So take this post with a bit of amusement if you will~ It was fun to think and analyze about something that most people normally just do and don't think about!
1) Hike up your skirt and petticoat to waist-level. Gather it all to the front so you can hold it with one hand. Use the hem of your skirt to keep the petti or underskirt from slipping out in the back. You don't want it to touch the floor!
Point! If you are wearing an asymmetrical or bustle skirt, make sure you grab both the over- and underskirt!
2) Use your free hand to pull your bloomers and panties down to your knees. Your knees are going to be the highest part away from the floor, and this way you won't accidentally get rainbows on the waistband portion, which may happen if you pull them down any lower than your knees.
Point! If you are wearing tights, you may want to do this step before the previous step to avoid ripping your tights. They're fragile and it's easier to get them off with both hands.
3) Squat above the toilet. Try to center yourself. You don't need to be so far back that you are able to watch yourself pee.
If you are using one of the shorter squat toilets, this may mean you end up with a pile of gold outside the toilet, which would be very embarrassing! Most of the squat toilets are actually long enough so that you probably won't have a problem, though.
4) Do your thing! The hooded part in the front will keep your rainbow goodness inside the toilet, but if you go too hard, it may spray back at you, so leave the power-hosing to the racehorses and just take your time. All the squat toilets in Taiwan seem to have this hood, but in other parts of Asia/Europe this may not be there, so you'll have to aim for the hole to avoid any homesick droplets.
Fun Fact: squatting is a better position to deposit gold in. Seated toilets apparently do not let your colon empty itself as effectively, so the higher the toilet, the less effective the gold-launch is.
I also found an actual wiki article dedicated to this which is sort of funny. You can go read that if you want ;)
Here's a random site about it. If you Google, you'll find a lot more on this topic (who knew it was so interesting?)
5) When wiping, you may want to partially straighten up so your hand is not so close to the toilet, ground, and pot of gold (if you made one). Continue to hold your frills above waist-level until clean!
Point! Always wipe from front to back! This prevents germs from the colon making their way to more sensitive parts of your lower anatomy (this applies more to girls). One of the speakers for my Family Science class made this a really important point, so I guess there must be some people who don't know this!
6) Straighten up and step off to the side. Drop your skirts back down and pull up your panties/bloomers/tights. Flush the toilet and go wash your hands! I'm assuming everybody who is able to read this post is capable of doing so without instruction.
Point! Many places have separate levers for rainbow vs. rainbow with gold at the end. This is to conserve water because less water is needed to wash away rainbows as opposed to a pot of gold. There should be a diagram specifying which lever is for which. If it isn't in a language you can understand, just flush until clean.
* You can practice squatting on the floor if you are not sure if you can hold that position. Squatting is pretty common in Asia when resting/waiting, so most people don't have difficultly with it.
* If you can't squat flat-footed, wear shoes with a slight heel (maybe 3cm). You may want to start with thick heels or wedges if you are afraid of not being able to balance on thin heels! The heels help you squat if your legs aren't as flexible or strong. The height really doesn't make it any more difficult. I have used the squat toilet wearing 13cm platform heels before :P (Is that TMI?)
* Always bring a pack of tissue around with you. Many places don't provide toilet tissue, or they may be out!
* If you have extremely long hair, bring it all to the front so you can hold it in your lap with your skirts.
* If you are wearing long pants (e.g., aristocrat), you may want to roll up the hem to keep them off the floor. The area around where your feet go is often dirty or wet.
* There may not be a hook or place for your bag to go, so you may want to have a friend hold it or pack lightly. In a pinch, you can see if the hinges of the door are large enough for you to hang your bag from (I've done this when the bag hook at my school bathroom was broken)
I hope this was helpful or, at the very least, amusing! Do you have any more questions about this topic? Feel free to leave questions or comments below!